Hoochie wiz crashed oot when eh got in, so eh decided tae speak tae him in the mornin. Eh wiz woken up at 5 in the bloody mornin wi the sound o Ronan-Bieber screamin his head off about somethin, turned oot Mitzi-Evo hid punched oot his wobbly tooth after being woken up when he went for a piss, and now the tooth was missin. Naebdy wiz gettin back tae sleep so I sat them all doon in front of reruns of doctor who and telt them that it wiz a documentary and if they didnae shut up the daleks came for them, this gave iz enough peace and quiet tae make breakfast.
I took them through their plates of Hoochies left over chips donner and cheese fae the night before, washed doon wi tizer. This meant eh wiz able tae go talk tae Hoochie aboot this buried stash. Eh says it wiz the only way we wid be able tae get that new TV and that, cos eh woke up tae find oot eh wiz on the rag again which meant eh didnae seem tae be gettin up the duff for that extra bairn for mare benefits ken, and the provvy man wiz oan our case so we hid tae find money somehow. Hoochie hid spent a bit o time in the jail for dealin in the past so he kent his stuff and learned a bit mare in the jail so wiz clued up ken.
He eventually agreed tae it, and says he wid go dig the stash up that night once the bairns wiz in bed. Eh wiz tingly wi excitement and adrenaline ken, finally tae have money! Eh wiz gonna be able tae get ma roots done and mibbe even a new vajazzle ken! Eh looked at Hoochie, and says tae him tae take iz there and then coz he wiz ma new hero, well the bairns wiz still eatin their food and shittin themselves at the daleks so he says aye, weve got ten minutes hen, get yer jammies aff!
We ran into the bathroom cos it locked, and he sat on the cludgy, eh took aff ma jammies and sat oan him pure sexy and ahin, just as eh started bounin aff him eh got ma foot stuck in that shitey water at the bottom o ma toilet brush holder, but eh wisnae stoppin now cos eh could only do that for fehv minutes afore ma thighs got sare ken, and Hoochie wid be done in a few anyway so I shook it aff and kept goin, eh wiz pure sweatin and Hoochie wiz hingin oan tae iz for dear life, thats why he likes ma muffin top ken cos it giz him somethin tae grip on tae after the accident wi the toilet roll holder last time.
He pulled that face and eh kent he wiz finished, eh kent that face well, it wiz like Simon Cowel listenin tae a tone deaf munter, while tastin mouldy custard ken. Eh says tae Hoochie tae go check the bairns while I finished maself off wi the loofah, well he hid only been oot the bathroom a few minutes and he wiz shoutin oan me for somethin, eh wisnae happy cos eh wiz almost done ken, and I shouted what the fuck you wantin Hoochie ehm busy ken!! He says, Beyonce’s water just broke….